ESQUIRE: THE DIRTIEST MOUTH IN MALAYSIA

February 25, 2016 in Blog Posts, Musings

“Esqsouthuire Malaysia July 2011″  http://www.esquire.my

Esquire have kindly allowed me to reprint the monthly articles that I’ve been writing for them for the last few years. This week’s blast from the past comes from July 2011. Check out Esquire Malayisa each month for my latest articles

        ESQUIRE: SOUTH OF THE BORDER

 I had a very weird awakening one night by a lover that insisted on  going south. The only problem was, although he tried his utmost best, he wasn’t exactly equipped with the right skills to go down that path. Orally speaking, I was tempted to just whack the guy on the head, turn the laptop on, Google “how to perform oral sex on your woman”, and leave him with that for a while. Instead I decided to manoeuvre him elsewhere, much to my disappointment, but I thought it’s better to divert his attention than to have my basement feel violated. I’m sure in every woman’s life there will come a time when a lover is too keen, or maybe not keen enough, about the munchies. In fact, one of my mates shared a rather embarrassing secret with me: When he was a teenager, for his eighteenth birthday, his father gave him a present that would make a boy a man. No, it wasn’t a Porsche; his father bought him a night with a lady of leisure.

She was definitely much older than him, and as the night proceeded, he decided, all right, let’s try and find that spot that every woman claims will drive her crazy. He took the plunge and dove in, and after a few encouraging moans, he kept remembering every technique he had read up on. After about fifteen minutes, he looked up, and to his astonishment and surprise found the lady asleep, snoring slightly. He was left with such a deflated ego that it took years of therapeutic counselling to heal. Yes, Daddy should have bought him that Porsche after all.

When it comes down to it, every man would love to master the art of oral sex, and boast that he can make a woman climax more than three times in a night. It’s kind of funny; I actually had one that kept count: He literally stopped halfway and asked me, “Was that a two or a three?” There are endless techniques out there on the Internet for an apprentice to pick up, but, of course, the best way to achieve your goal is constant practice. Sadly, not all women have the same basement—what works for some may not work for others. I personally think men should take lessons from lesbians. After all, I have had enough encounters to know the difference. However, finding a lesbian to disclose her knowledge to a man, you can file that under “fiction”. I mean, they are all after the same pie,

aren’t they? So, the first lesson is you actually need to enjoy being down there. If lurking in the basement is just so you can get your hardware into the right space, then, dear boy, you’re never going to conquer the south. It’s best that you just work on the north where the hills are, and focus on other parts of the land. Here’s a tip for you cowboys: The next time you go down south, and instead of being pushed forward you’re diverted elsewhere, it’s time to readjust your mode of delivery. It’s not that bad.

DIVAS GUIDE TO DRAMA

January 27, 2016 in Blog Posts, Musings

The Diva’s Guide To Drama is a weekly podcast series featuring myself and the lovely Priscillia Seelan all the way from Los Angeles, California.
Each week we discusses various relationship issues, giving our views on sticky situations and advice on how to get through the drama of modern everyday life. Let us know what you think about these weekly topics by heading to my Facebook page Joanne Kam Poh Poh and if you have any questions that you want answering by us don’t hesitate to ask.

A DIVAS GUIDE TO DRAMA – JUST FRIENDS

January 6, 2016 in Uncategorized

http://www.buzzsprout.com/52029

            IMG_1178.JPG                                                        podcast

Hear myself and the lovely Priscillia Seelan all the way from LA discussing all areas of modern relationships from affairs to friends with benefits. We’re here to help you answer your questions about having a healthy fun relationship and keeping that spark alive.

 

CLICK THE BUZZSPROUT LINK ABOVE TO LISTEN

THE DIVAS GUIDE TO DRAMA

January 4, 2016 in Blog Posts, Musings

IMG_20141104_8priscillia full

Hear myself and Priscillia Seelan all the way from LA to Kuala Lumpur discuss every day relationship issues, dramas and affairs and answer your questions to a better healthier relationship. 

CLICK THE LINK ABOVE TO HEAR ALL ABOUT IT

ONE PRESENTS IN YOUR FACE

December 2, 2015 in Blog Posts, Events, Musings, Photos

    Last nights launch of ONE condoms Malaysia in conjunction with Worlds AIDS Day. 
ONE presents IN YOUR FACE tickets are almost sold out for our 4th and 5th of December shows with very limited spaces left, to reserve yours please contact Naomi on 0122135951 

See you soon 😉