Fatty Boom Boom

April 12, 2016 in Blog Posts, Events, Musings

fatty boom boom

                                                            A SHOW CLUB LIKE NO OTHER

Look what’s Booming Soon! Are you ready for KL’s sexiest show club? Hosted by Boom Boom Room’s original comedy divas, Bibi Kay Poh & Joanne Kam. Welcome to the revolution. Fatty BOOM BOOM @ Tropicana City Mall ( on top of Swine restaurant) Opening Friday 15th April onwards. The whole of April is by special invitations so to get on my special guestlist whatsapp Naomi @ 0122135951: Every Fri & Sat night 10pm. Check out my Facebook page https://www.facebook.com/joannekamcomedy/ for more updates and information.

 

Esquire: Dirty Thoughts

April 11, 2016 in Blog Posts, Musings

 

Sometimes it’s all right to get your mind into the gutter, as long as you don’t fall in yourself.

esquire dirty thought

“Esquire Malaysia October 2011″  http://www.esquire.my Esquire have kindly allowed me to reprint the monthly articles that I’ve been writing for them for the last few years. This week’s blast from the past comes from October 2011. Check out Esquire Malayisa each month for my latest articles.

Everybody has sexual fantasies. And you can bet your bottom ringgit that even your partner, who’s obviously in a happy, healthy, and loving relationship with you has, at one time or another, thought about someone else while in throes of ecstasy. And we all know the couple where one of them is the good-looking half and the other one is the half that only a mother or a drunken sailor could love. Take the dearly departed Anna Nicole Smith and her dearly departed, eighty-something- year-old, multimillionaire husband. I’m sure she must’ve fantasised about all those Benjamin Franklins whenever she had to lay her hands on him. And what goes around comes around. Women suff er from the Madonna/whore complex, too. You know, a lady on the street but a freak in the bed. It’s why even the most conservative women will starve themselves to squeeze into some lacy knickers or crotchless panties, because they know that playing dress-up as a Victoria’s Secret angel or role modelling as skanky ho will get their men just a little more pumped up. After all, a man’s overactive imagination is horny thing. Just ask those geek princesses who doll up every Halloween in Princess Lea’s slave girl gold bikini. It sure lights up the sabres on those Jedi wannabes.

So the question is, is mental infidelity so wrong? To me, having dirty thoughts about someone other than your partner is pretty normal. It might even spice up your sex life—as long as you keep it only in your head and, for goodness sake, open your eyes just before the end and say the right name. According to a survey by the University of Vermont, eighty four percent of American couples confessed that they fantasied about someone else during sex, with some couples admitting that they felt guilty, immoral, and even hurt about their soggy dreams. But what the survey also learned is that this eighty four percent chalked up greater sexual gratification and had fewer sexual problems than those who worried that their wandering minds would harm their relationships.

In a perfect world, couples should and would be thinking only about each other while naked together, but sometimes you can’t stop your subconscious from shoving your teenage dream into the act. Of course, sometimes it reminds of you of that time you walked into your parents’ bedroom while they were … you know. Truth is, there is a difference between lust and love, and hopefully you know where to draw the line. Besides, more often than not, a fantasy will stay that way because we know better than to jeopardise the real thing that we’ve got. Ultimately, dirty thoughts can be fun, and they should be frivolous, and they better damned well be short-lived. Because if you’re dreaming about shagging your wife’s best friend all the bloody time, then you need to do some serious soul-searching. In the meantime, wake up and take a cold shower.

 

Esquire: Love Self Service

April 8, 2016 in Blog Posts, Musings

esquire     ESQUIRE: DIRTIEST MOUTH IN MALAYSIA

“Esquire Malaysia September 2011″  http://www.esquire.myEsquire have kindly allowed me to reprint the monthly articles that I’ve been writing for them for the last few years. This week’s blast from the past comes from September 2011. Check out Esquire Malayisa each month for my latest articles.

 

 I’ve recently begun exploring one of the most important secrets to a woman’s satisfaction—the female orgasm and that little DIY kit every woman should have tucked away in her bedside drawer. It’s not something we want to discuss over tea, but it’s a much appreciated tool for the modern woman nonetheless. In fact, Ann Summers has invented a masterpiece called the iGasm, a device that plugs into your iPod and vibrates to the music you play.

Here’s a suggested playlist: Start with a little hip-hop bump and grind, move on to some dancey house tunes, then hit it hard with the drums and bass—for Ah Lien girls who like it faster, there’s always the techno feng tau beat— and then take it down with a little ambient to smooth the ride out. Apple wasn’t thrilled with how the app was advertised, which showed a dancing girl with wires coming out of her iPod and going into her knickers, but that didn’t stop the iGasm from finding its place in the urban dictionary.

So how did this gadget that inhabits the core of a woman’s self-reliance handbook come to be? The fi rst pleasure devise appeared in 1870 in Britain and was a steam-powered device called The Manipulator. (Why do I have images of Arnold Schwarzenegger doing an ad campaign for this with the tagline: “The Manipulator. Come with me.”) During the Victorian era, there was a little female hysteria called “worm fury” and the only way to treat this frenzy was to massage the patient into “paroxysm”, or what we call orgasm today.

Doctors would treat patients by performing “vulvular stimulations”, an immensely tedious process that caused doctors to suff er hand and wrist fatigue. The Manipulator was hence a relief for doctors who made it an entirely nonsexual clinical device. The electric vibrator was later introduced to become the housewives’ perfect home companion, and there’s been countless variations created to appease their much-needed cravings since then.

There are devices that look like back massagers and even more exotic ones that look like rabbits, beavers, butterfl ies, and eggs. Designers have also cloaked these stimulants for travel purposes
by disguising them as lipstick cases, torches, and now MP3 players, all conveniently sized for a woman’s handbag. It’s no wonder that every time I take my turbo inhaler out for my asthma, I see a look of shock on people’s faces as if to say, “I can’t believe she took it out in public!” I think it’s quite funny. In fact, the last time I took my pump out for a puff , a male friend stared at me in disbelief, to which I had to say, “If it was what you think it is, it’ll be bigger than this. What, you think it’s made in China?”

 

DRAG ATTACK

March 17, 2016 in Events, Musings, Uncategorized

 

DRAG

 

 

 Everyone has a little diva in them, If you were a Drag Queen for a day what would your Drag name be? Let me know on my Facebook fan page Joanne Kam Poh Poh or the Drag Attack event page.

DRAG ATTACK

 What do you get when you put Conchita Wurst, Rupaul and Priscilla together in one show? 
A hilarious must watch battle of the Drag Divas that will leave you sashaying to Kylie, emoting to Mariah while you GaGa away, Like a Prayer to Madonna.

Put on your fiercest heels, your sexiest lashes and mascara, get your disco fix on and unleash the inner drag in you and join us in the most fun night you will have since Wong Foo went on a journey of true self-discovery.

A hilarious evening of music, glamour and bitchy mayhem.
Everyone welcome. Drags preferred

Featuring : Ashraf Zain, Alfred Lo and Phraveen and with a special guest star each night.
Directed by Joanne Kam, Musical Direction by Llew Marsh, Written by Ashraf Zain & Shamaine Othman

Dates : Thursday 31st March – Sun 3rd April
Time: 9pm
Venue : Theater Lounge Café
Add : B1-3A, Plaza Damas 3, 63, Jalan Sri Hartamas 1, Sri Hartamas, 50480, Kuala Lumpur.
Cover charge : Rm 70 at the door. Sofa limited : RM100 ( 1 free glass of wine )
Webpage : www.theaterloungecafe.com
For more inquiries call : Naomi : 012-2135951 or 03-67307982

ESQUIRE: DIRTIEST MOUTH IN MALAYSIA

March 4, 2016 in Blog Posts, Musings, Uncategorized

 “esquire 4Esquire Malaysia August 2011″  http://www.esquire.my

Esquire have kindly allowed me to reprint the monthly articles that I’ve been writing for them for the last few years. This week’s blast from the past comes from July 2011. Check out Esquire Malayisa each month for my latest articles

             LOOK AT ME

They say to love somebody else you’ve got to learn to love yourself.
Your love for her should only make you love you more.

How many times have you consoled a lady friend who was dumped by her boyfriend, as she ripped through a box of Kleenex, wailing her eyes out and cursing her ex? Most women have encountered this situation. We were either the ones doing the crying or the ones holding our friend’s hand, assuring them that they will get through that difficult period, bastards.

Personally I don’t believe that at all but as my once-confident friends are reduced to what resembles a bowl of Jell-O with tear ducts, I am forced to feed her emotional monster with that affirmation, all in the name of sisterhood But what if men are not the bastards, and what if women are the ones to blame? How much consoling can we handle if the situation is reversed? Would we sit beside them, idealistically chanting from Glo-ria Gaynor’s breakup anthem, “I Will Survive”? Relationships are born out of need. It’s the oldest ritual since men and women gathered to live together in a cave a long, long time ago. Men hunt, women gather, and our primal instinct to mate is so we won’t become extinct. These days, women aren’t just gatherers. We’ve crossed into hunter positions as well.

So how does that affect modern relationships? One male friend, after a series of unsuccessful flings that never got to the moving in stage, gave me and a bunch of other girlfriends some interesting insight to the whole situation. “Women don’t get it. If we like you, we don’t want to change you. But most women, once they find a man, they start changing. Men don’t want that, and we don’t want to be changed either.” Another male friend admits that when the dating stage is over and a woman moves in, they start seeing things that they never saw before. One stand-up comic friend of mine recently quipped: “Women wear master disguises. First you show us what we want, and there’s the sex, and it’s awesome, and we stay, and then out of nowhere after we’re with you for a few months, and you’ve moved it, one night we come home and you change, and you become psycho, and we’re like, who are you?” So perhaps the answer to coupled bliss is about sustaining you—instead of putting the relationship first, you should put you first. The best relationships are the ones that bring satisfaction to the individual.

This may sound selfish but a relationship will last longer and be healthier if you put yourself first. So the next time a weeping lady friend is sitting on your sofa saying, “But I did all those things for him”, give her a wakeup call and ask her, “But did you do anything for yourself?” Men don’t change to suit a relationship. If anything, they manage their habits better—women should know that if they expect to mould the person they’re with, or themselves, into what they feel is the ideal partner, then have the superglue ready because someone’s going to crack.